I was a playful kid when I was in primary school and did not do so well to land in a good secondary school, but luckily I was able to land in a school with the express stream cut off point of 188 points. From that point onwards, I decided to work hard in order to do well in the GCE 'O' Levels.
I was very happy that I had obtained a B4 in my English Language as it was the first B4 for the subject throughout my entire secondary education life. I had never obtained a B before, usually my English grade will be between D7 and C6.
My results enabled me to choose my further education path in the Junior Colleges as well as in the Polytechnics. However, I chose the Polytechnic route as I wanted to learn more hands on skills rather than keep reading from the textbooks.
I was enrolled into Accounting & Finance in Temasek Polytechnic (TP). I had learn many skills in the course such as presentation skills, interpersonal skills and etc. It was a very enjoyable journey as we made very good friendships throughout the 3 years in TP. There were also many project works back then which require us to write essays for submissions, but there are always group members to help proof read the essays before submission.
After graduation, it was time for all males to be enlisted into the army and we made very good friendships throughout the 2 years of full time National Service period.
Many people would have asked me if I had regretted not enrolling into
the JC but chose the Poly route, as it was much easier to enter into the
universities if I had chosen the JC route. Despite all these questions, my decision will still be the same if I was given a second chance.
I had actually tried for 3 years to be enrolled into NUS Real Estate as I had always wanted to further my education in either NTU or NUS studying Accountancy. Despite all the past failures, I managed to enroll into NUS doing Real Estate as my degree in 2013.
English has always been a problem to me as I do not like to read often hence my vocabulary bank is limited. I will also make grammar mistakes or have sentence structure problems after not writing essays for more than 2 years. I do hope that ES1102 will be able to help me correct all these mistakes and be able to write better essays during exams and during project submissions.
Content wise was good as you managed to display reflective connection between your experience and your present. Your main and supporting ideas was also well presented as you went from your o level grade to your future.
ReplyDeleteOrganisation was good as you started with a good introduction to explain what your essay is about. Your body paragraphs were also short and concise throughout, separating into different time frames.
Your use of language was also good as you did not have much grammar mistake and there is fluency throughout your essay. Proper use of punctations and spelling was also displayed.
The content was well elaborated and also, clearly supported by the various processes that you have encountered.
ReplyDeleteYour reflective writing was easily understood and well segmented into the different stages in your life.
The background is very detailed and the structure is well organized. Another good point is that you used statistics to prove what you mentioned earlier and that makes your statement more reliable, for example, you state your grade for the o level English. Maybe you can elaborate and emphasis more on your main point.
ReplyDeleteAndy,
ReplyDeleteContent and organisation: Thank you for sharing your English learning experience with us. I enjoyed reading your blog. You are obviously a very capable student. I am so pleased you managed to get the results that you deserved. Your work flows logically from past, present and future, and you described your experiences very clearly--very well done indeed. Make sure you ask for help when you need clarification, ok?
Language: Pay attention to the following:
1. Put this sentence into active voice 'I enrolled'
I was enrolled into Accounting & Finance in Temasek Polytechnic (TP).
2. Avoid using 'etc' in writing. Do you know why? Think about what information 'etc' adds to a sentence.
I had learn many skills in the course such as presentation skills, interpersonal skills and etc.
3. Be careful using pronouns. There was no reference to 'we' in previous sentences.
It was a very enjoyable journey as we made
4. Use of tenses: Can you see you changed between past and present tenses though you referred to an experience/event in the past.
There were also many project works back then which require us to write essays for submissions, but there are always group members to help proof read the essays before submission.
1. I enrolled into Accounting & Finance in Temesak Polytechnic.
ReplyDelete2. I had learn many skills in the course such as presentation skills, interpersonal skills and many more.
3. It was a very enjoyable journey as my friends and I made very good friendships.
4. There were also any project work back then which required us to write essays for submissions, but there were always group members to help proof read the essays before submission.
Andy:
ReplyDeleteGreat job on the corrections! See my feedback below:
1. I enrolled into Accounting & Finance in Temesak Polytechnic.
Misty: Correct--great job.
2. I had learnED many skills in the course such as presentation skills, interpersonal skills and many more.
Misty: had + past participle. Pay attention to the verb tense presentation.
3. It was a very enjoyable journey as my friends and I made very good friendships.
Misty: Correct--great job.
4. There were also any project work back then which required us to write essays for submissions, but there were always group members to help proof read the essays before submission.
Misty: Correct--great job.